Talk: Anu Luther

I am Anu; my late husband Sid and I, Ashok, and many others here, were contemporaries as students at Stanford……..and you all know how something like that evolves- we go from those innocent, carefree days in different directions but friends forever.

One annual ritual that we shared after the Chandras returned to the area was the Valentine’s Day party that Mala and Ashok hosted. And, you just had to watch Ashok glide across the dance floor to understand how he lived his life- he looked you straight in the eye; his steps were carefully measured; there was always a tilde, a flourish, at the end….. and through it all was his passionate relishing of the process.

But, he never broke a sweat.

Thus, Integrity, Intelligence, and even a third “I”- In-the-moment living- the combination made for a quality and density of engagement that can only be measured by the legacy that Ashok has left behind- family and friends; work and colleagues- all made dramatically better by his presence and contributions. I expect that many will speak today about different dimensions of this and I would also like to address one such aspect.

More than a decade ago, the Dalai Lama had counseled me during my time of shattering loss but he had prefaced the session with a comment that the reason he felt competent to advise me was that he had suffered similar loss when his teacher, his guru, his father and mother- all rolled into one man- had died.

Thus, hiding behind the maroon-red robes of His Holiness, empowered by his invoking of the empathy that is generated by shared experience, I would like to address Mala.

Sid and I, over 25 years of a marriage, had become ONE (I’m not sure how my husband of one year, Tom, feels about having committed bigamy, but there it is).

Mala, you too have lost your companion, your partner, your soul-mate. But your relationship involved a kind of knowing of the other that is so complete that, from hereon, in any given situation, you will know what Ashok would’ve advised, would’ve commented, would’ve said, would’ve thought.

He thinks; therefore he is.

In truth, Mala, the clear-eyed, three “I”ed man who danced through your life, will always be in the room with you…….for you to hear but also to choose to disagree with.